Jena’s Story
Freedom Date: April 6, 2010
HOW DID YOU FIRST MEET YOUR ABUSIVE EX-PARTNER? WHAT ATTRACTED YOU IN THE BEGINNING?
We met on our first day of college at orientation.
It was one of those ‘eyes locked from across the crowd’ moments you see in the movies. We became inseparable after that.
WHEN DID THE ABUSE BEGIN AND WHAT KIND OF ABUSE DID YOU EXPERIENCE? HOW DID IT DEVELOP OVER TIME?
It began as verbal abuse – name-calling and just tearing me down with his words. Over the next few months, it escalated to physical abuse – spitting in my face, pulling me up off the ground by my hair. Not long after the hitting and choking had begun.
WHAT WAS THE TIPPING POINT FOR YOU? WHEN DID YOU DECIDE THAT YOU NEEDED TO BREAK OFF THE RELATIONSHIP?
I struggled with feeling worthless naturally and having someone add to that feeling of making me feel small and bad about myself was overwhelming. It made everything worse.
The abusive situations were always followed by apologies – this pattern was emotionally draining for me.
Never having been the target of a narcissist, I found myself always making excuses for his behavior. He would gaslight me so often I started to question myself.
HOW WAS THE PROCESS OF LEAVING THE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU? WAS THERE ANYTHING DIFFICULT OR CONFUSING ABOUT THE PROCESS?
When I finally found my voice and stood up to him, everything reached its tipping point. It was scary and happened so fast. He strangled me, hit me repeatedly, started breaking things and eventually went for a knife. I locked myself in the bathroom and called 911. The night ended with him being taken away in handcuffs.
To this day, I believe I might have died that night if I hadn’t acted as quickly as I did by hiding and calling 911.
HOW DID YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND COMMUNITY RESPOND TO YOU LEAVING THE RELATIONSHIP? WAS THERE ANYTHING PARTICULARLY HELPFUL - OR DIFFICULT - IN THESE RESPONSES?
It was hard to tell my friends and family that it was not an isolated event and I had “allowed it” for months. Something I must learn to accept is that I didn’t “allow it”, I didn’t know how to stop it.
My family and friends were supportive, but to be honest, no one really knew what to say or do.
The hardest part was that my story was included in the newspaper, so it was hard having acquaintances knowing about it without me being the one to share it.
HOW HAS YOUR JOURNEY TOWARDS HEALING DEVELOPED? WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL FELLOW SURVIVORS?
It’s a journey but you don’t have to go through it alone or in silence.
It’s been over 12 years and it still haunts me. I’ll go long periods without thinking about it but there are reminders that tell me I haven’t finished healing. Don’t give up on your healing and don’t let setbacks get you down. Keep on that healing journey.
HOW HAS SPEAK YOUR TRUTH TODAY AFFECTED YOUR JOURNEY OUT OF ABUSE AND TOWARDS HEALING?
I sort of stumbled on Speak Your Truth Today during Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Their posts were shared on many groups’ social media, and I loved their message. I had not joined the group when I submitted my story, but plan to. SYTT is empowering for us.
