Danielle’s Story
Freedom Date: Unknown
TW: Physical abuse
HOW DID YOU FIRST MEET YOUR ABUSIVE EX-PARTNER? WHAT ATTRACTED YOU IN THE BEGINNING?
We met online. I was very skeptical of him for several months, but he was so charming and always involved.
WHEN DID THE ABUSE BEGIN AND WHAT KIND OF ABUSE DID YOU EXPERIENCE? HOW DID IT DEVELOP OVER TIME?
It started September of 2021. He made me feel guilty for hanging out with friends, that my life priorities weren't right and developed to where he wasn't happy, so I had to sleep on a friend’s couch. At one point I was not allowed to use the toilet in our home.
WHAT WAS THE TIPPING POINT FOR YOU? WHEN DID YOU DECIDE THAT YOU NEEDED TO BREAK OFF THE RELATIONSHIP?
When he physically put hands on me and threw me into a table.
HOW WAS THE PROCESS OF LEAVING THE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU? WAS THERE ANYTHING DIFFICULT OR CONFUSING ABOUT THE PROCESS?
It has been an agonizing process. I had victim brain for several months where all I wanted to do was help him. And when I finally realized the true scope of the damage he had inflicted upon me, I was sickened and outraged. I now suffer from PTSD from his actions against me and I question things constantly as to whether I am being true to myself or acting out of fear.
HOW DID YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND COMMUNITY RESPOND TO YOU LEAVING THE RELATIONSHIP? WAS THERE ANYTHING PARTICULARLY HELPFUL - OR DIFFICULT - IN THESE RESPONSES?
Some people would listen, some people would shut the conversation down as it was something they could not cope with, and others will tell me to move on and be thankful I'm alive. It's been extremely hard.
HOW HAS YOUR JOURNEY TOWARDS HEALING DEVELOPED? WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL FELLOW SURVIVORS?
It has been very circular, and I don't truly believe it has started yet. My abuser has recently sought out a TRO on me with many false claims and the Army Criminal Investigation Division has opened a felony case for victim retaliation against me.
WHAT, IF ANYTHING, WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL ADVOCATES ABOUT HELPING VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
They need ears and guidance. Especially when they have "victim brain", they need someone to ground them from what they do not want to hear, or what they don't know they will need in the future.
HOW HAS SPEAK YOUR TRUTH TODAY AFFECTED YOUR JOURNEY OUT OF ABUSE AND TOWARDS HEALING?
It has put me in touch with a few advocates.
ARE THERE ANY RESOURCES THAT WERE PARTICULARLY HELPFUL THROUGHOUT THIS PROCESS? LET’S SHOUT THEM OUT!
The Family Advocacy Program - Within the Military
IN YOUR OPINION, WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR A SURVIVOR TO HEAR?
That your feelings are valid, and you are not crazy.
