Jennifer’s Story
WHAT DOES HEALING MEAN TO YOU?
Being able to remember, without having a trauma reaction to it.
HOW HAS YOUR JOURNEY TOWARDS HEALING FROM ABUSE DEVELOPED?
By finally acknowledging the things that happened to me without shame or embarrassment, I was able to move forward. I had to face the things that happened and truly believe it was not my fault. These things are what allowed the healing process to begin.
HAS THERE BEEN ANY PERSON WHO HAS BEEN INFLUENTIAL IN YOUR HEALING JOURNEY? HOW HAVE THEY PLAYED A ROLE?
Not a single soul helped me....I did this all myself.
IF YOU COULD GO BACK AND SPEAK TO YOUR YOUNGER SELF, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO YOURSELF?
FIGHT BACK! Tell everyone instead of keeping it a secret! THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!
WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WOULD TELL A SURVIVOR OF SEXUAL ABUSE TO ENCOURAGE THEM IN THEIR HEALING JOURNEY?
Just because one person is evil and has hurt you, it does not mean EVERY person is out to do the same harm to you. When I rediscovered my inner and outer beauty, I began to see the beauty in everything again. The times of questioning everything and assuming the worst, became less frequent. I got new goggles to see the world and myself. It doesn't mean I happily forgot everything, I just refused to let it define me and how I view the world.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO SHARE ABOUT OR CELEBRATE IN YOUR HEALING JOURNEY?
My whole life I hated sex.....but I wanted babies....I had to pay the price for wanting that. I hated the men who had ruined it for me. I stayed in abusive relationships because I thought this was "normal.” It wasn't until I was in my 40's, newly divorced with adult children, that I realized how the sexual abuse I suffered, tainted my feelings about sex. I spent a lot of time alone learning and healing. I am so lucky to have found my soulmate! Having someone truly love me for who I was, with NO intentions of hurting me, changed everything. I was finally able to experience love. Sex was not a disgusting, vomit worthy, act anymore. It was beautiful. No flashbacks, no hatred. I LOVE IT NOW! I'm like a 14yr old boy LOL! Can't get enough! But I had to discover myself and acknowledge the trauma first. I was in my 40's before I enjoyed it for the first time. I guess what I want to say is that you can hate it for most of your life, but it is possible, after healing, to truly enjoy it.
