Kelly’s Story
Freedom Date: 2017
WHEN AND HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR EX-ABUSER?
It is important to clarify that in my case, this was not a romantic/sexual relationship – it was a teacher/student, mentor/mentee, falsified mother/daughter type of situation. She never had children and was trying to, in some ways, adopt me as her own.
It is still considered domestic violence under the definition, though it is not the typical case.
When I was a teenager in high school, I was in a very dark place mentally and contemplating suicide and needed to see someone. A trusted family member recommended a therapist to my mother.
Although at the time I recalled not having good feelings about her – I felt distrustful vibes – I went to her for therapy for a few years. Primarily to please my mother and hopefully balance out my emotions in the process.
WHEN DID THE ABUSE BEGIN AND WHAT KIND OF ABUSE DID YOU EXPERIENCE? HOW DID IT DEVELOP OVER TIME?
The abuse, from a psychological standpoint, began when I saw her for therapy as a teenager, but I didn’t really become aware of that until I reconnected with her in my 30s – after the death of my brother.
As a professional in the mental health field, she took advantage of my weakened mindset and spiritual views by manipulating me with her delusional state of being – she claimed to have strong spiritual power and a connection to God. Craving spiritual guidance and balance, she convinced me to live with her so she could become my true spiritual teacher.
She gradually showed her true colors the longer we lived together in a mentor/mentee situation. She became more controlling of my every move and my time. She persuaded me to cut off from family and trusted friends – making me believe that she was the only one I could trust in the world. Truly isolating me from everyone who cared about me.
The anger she displayed was terrifying. She became extremely unstable and even suicidal over time. Subjecting me to more mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuse than I could ever write about.
WHAT WAS THE TIPPING POINT FOR YOU? WHEN DID YOU DECIDE THAT YOU NEEDED TO BREAK AWAY?
My gut, my instincts, told me this was an incredibly unhealthy situation after only a few months of living with her. Still, I had known her for almost two decades and she was a professional in the mental health field. Surely, she could be trusted to have my best interests in mind, right?
She also had health issues and made sure I knew she needed me by using my genuine kindness and character against me to keep me attached.
The tipping point was when I believed I truly saw her demonic side show itself visually. This person is claiming to be close to God. So witnessing her demonic behavior shook something in my mind. My inner voice said," She isn't who she says she is. Feel this in your heart. You need to get out!"
HOW WAS THE PROCESS OF LEAVING THE ABUSIVE SITUATION FOR YOU? WAS THERE ANYTHING DIFFICULT OR CONFUSING ABOUT THE PROCESS?
The process was confusing and messy in my mind. I had been groomed to trust her since I was a teenager. Now in my 30s, I felt many conflicting feelings about leaving because of this.
A friend of mine, who was also a medium, contacted me after performing an intercession and told me just how bad the situation was and that I needed to leave NOW. I felt this message deeply and acted on it right away. I called my one remaining friend to tell her I needed a place to go and fast. Luckily my friend accepted me with open arms.
For so many years I felt guilty for leaving…like I was the one that messed everything up. Ha!
HOW DID YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND COMMUNITY RESPOND TO YOU LEAVING THE ABUSER? WAS THERE ANYTHING PARTICULARLY HELPFUL - OR DIFFICULT - IN THESE RESPONSES?
The one friend that remained in my life was also who accepted me the day I needed out quickly. She was the most understanding and incredibly sympathetic person. I will always be grateful to her and her kindness!
Unfortunately, my family was cut off early in my relationship, so they didn't know anything about my abuse for quite some time after I left. When I finally reached out to repair those familial relationships, they were understandably upset at her and comforting to me. I’m proud my family comforted me once I opened up to them.
After almost everyone knew what had happened, they wholeheartedly supported me, and that was truly healing.
HOW HAS YOUR JOURNEY TOWARDS HEALING DEVELOPED? WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL FELLOW SURVIVORS?
My healing journey is quite remarkable and continuous.
Following the death of my brother, I began to learn reiki energy healing and hypnotherapy. These holistic modalities have been my saving grace in healing mind, body, and spirit.
I now have a private practice in which I get to help others heal using these methods and it is a true blessing and silver lining! I also teach and empower others to heal themselves with reiki.
TO MY FELLOW SURVIVORS, I SAY, “APPROACH YOUR HEALING WITH PATIENCE, COMPASSION FOR SELF AND OTHERS, FORGIVENESS WORK, AND IN A HOLISTIC MANNER FOR THE BEST RESULTS.”
WHAT, IF ANYTHING, WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL ADVOCATES ABOUT HELPING VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Compassion. Compassion. Compassion
Compassion is key. The victim already feels shame for having been in the abusive situation.
Learn active listening skills and possibly even try to understand how to read between the lines when you feel a loved one beginning to pull away out of nowhere.
And finally, offer loving support if they wish to discuss their abuse with you and always provide a compassionate, nonjudgmental response.
HOW HAS SPEAK YOUR TRUTH TODAY AFFECTED YOUR JOURNEY OUT OF ABUSE AND TOWARDS HEALING?
I came to SYTT years after my abuse took place and in the hopes of helping the many who are still suffering to find healing and peace in their own lives.
Thank you, SYTT for making this platform available and amplifying my voice. I am honored to add my story for self-healing and that of others.
ARE THERE ANY RESOURCES THAT WERE PARTICULARLY HELPFUL THROUGHOUT THE PROCESS?
JESUS! MOTHER MARY! THE ANGELS! Holy Fire/ Karuna Reiki! Hypnotherapy!
These are my personal resources.
IN YOUR OPINION, WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR A SURVIVOR TO HEAR?
You can heal from this and live a beautiful life!
