Mary’s Story
Freedom Date: September 7, 2016
HOW DID YOU FIRST MEET YOUR ABUSIVE EX-PARTNER? WHAT ATTRACTED YOU IN THE BEGINNING?
We both worked at the local McDonald’s and became friends. He was super sweet and helpful in the beginning. He seemed like an amazing guy and just what I needed in my life at the time. I had a young daughter from a previous relationship, and he was even sweet to her.
WHEN DID THE ABUSE BEGIN AND WHAT KIND OF ABUSE DID YOU EXPERIENCE? HOW DID IT DEVELOP OVER TIME?
Shortly after I found out I was pregnant with our son, I decided to go out with my parents, siblings, and my daughter and he said I was out "too late." We argued and argued. I wanted it to stop so I tried going for a walk and that’s when he first laid hands on me – he started dragging me by my hair back to our friend’s apartment while they were inside. What I didn’t know at the time is that domestic violence was more than just physical abuse, and I had been dealing with that much longer, I just didn’t realize it.
WHAT WAS THE TIPPING POINT FOR YOU? WHEN DID YOU DECIDE THAT YOU NEEDED TO BREAK OFF THE RELATIONSHIP?
He swung on me, and my daughter stepped in front of me to protect me while I held my son. He truly didn't care if he hurt her and she was only two years old, our son only one year old at the time. It was then that I knew I couldn't put my babies at risk.
HOW WAS THE PROCESS OF LEAVING THE ABUSE FOR YOU? WAS THERE ANYTHING DIFFICULT OR CONFUSING ABOUT THIS PROCESS?
I didn’t know how many resources were available to me and I was terrified being a single mother. Even though we had a ‘no-contact order’ in place for a year and I moved us back to my home state with my family, we still didn’t feel completely safe. There is so much more fear when children are involved – my daughter had night terrors and I could hardly sleep.
HOW DID YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND COMMUNITY RESPOND TO YOU LEAVING THE RELATIONSHIP? WAS THERE ANYTHING PARTICULARLY HELPFUL - OR DIFFICULT - IN THESE RESPONSES?
I have the most amazing support system. They drove thousands of miles across states to get us and our belongings and bring us back home. They were angels who would help babysit while I worked and even stepped in when I was struggling emotionally or if the kids were sick.
HOW HAS YOUR JOURNEY TOWARDS HEALING DEVELOPED?
I absolutely love my life. I’m thankful I didn’t go back! Each day I discover more happiness! I have been in counseling. I have an incredible support system in my new community. I have panic attacks, I worry about water spilling on the floor, or when I can get up to use the restroom. I worry when I don’t have a vehicle. Luckily, I am surrounded with people that know how to work with me when I am triggered. When I can’t move or ask for a drink of water. I know that the people around me want me to continue on my healing journey and allow me to cry when I need to cry, or be alone when I need to be alone.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL FELLOW SURVIVORS?
Starting out with a great support system of family is incredibly helpful on the journey to healing. I also have a select group of friends I can confide in and rely on, in addition to being in numerous online support groups like Speak Your Truth Today that I can talk to.
I’d love to tell fellow survivors that a PTSD diagnosis is 100% normal for domestic violence survivors. Don’t let the stigma stop you from getting help. Find something that calms you and keep it in reach or available when needed.
HOW HAS SPEAK YOUR TRUTH TODAY AFFECTED YOUR JOURNEY OUT OF ABUSE AND TOWARDS HEALING?
Reading stories from other survivors have helped, but speaking about my own truth knowing it can help someone else become a survivor is almost a weight lifted off of my shoulders and a peace I didn’t know I needed.
ARE THERE ANY RESOURCES THAT WERE PARTICULARLY HELPFUL THROUGHOUT THE PROCESS?
Gateway Church in Georgia.
IN YOUR OPINION, WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR A SURVIVOR TO HEAR?
Never give up. YOU are worth more. YOU are amazing.
Tell them to never give up and stand strong. Times will be hard, but it is worth being safe. We have support systems and groups out there to help us. Healing takes time but is possible.
