Michael’s Story

What does healing mean to you?

Healing to me means learning how to be more of my best self more of the time, regardless of my past. I cannot change what happened to me, but going forward I can act with the knowledge I've gained from my experiences - while trying to reach others who have been through what I have, too.

How has your journey towards healing from abuse developed? 

One of my best therapists taught me that progress in healing is a tilted spiral - even if it seems that we're on the downswing, we're actually still headed upwards. If I continue to work, I WILL get better. And sometimes the best work is knowing when to stop working, and knowing when to pick up the work again.

Has there been any person who has been influential in your healing journey? How have they played a role?

I survived the abuse, but I could not have survived the recovery without my current wife and my therapists. As a male survivor of DV perpetrated by my ex-wife, I came out of it distrusting all women. My female therapists showed me that there are women who could accept me without judgment and who wanted to see me heal. My wife doesn't understand the trauma I went through. But her love and my wanting to be my best self for her has kept me on the right path.

If you could go back and speak to your younger self, what would you say to yourself?

I would tell him that yes, abuse can and does happen to men (no matter what anyone says), and yes, abuse happened to YOU.

What is one thing you would tell a survivor of sexual abuse to encourage them in their healing journey?

Men- abuse can and does happen to you. Yes, women can be perpetrators. Male survivors, find your tribe - we are out here. Don't let anyone tell you that your experience doesn't matter because you are a man - that's bullshit. We believe you. I believe you. It wasn't your fault. And you can heal.